


Mind over Matter

by bloodyferguson



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Love, My First Work in This Fandom, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 19:45:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17566823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyferguson/pseuds/bloodyferguson
Summary: After the events of "Mission Impossible - Fallout" Agent Ilsa Faust joined the IMF, everything seems to go it's natural way until one mistake leads to one dead body and two broken hearts.





	1. Chapter 1

With a quick step she turned the corner. In front of her she saw the train threatening to drive without her. She was walking or limping, as fast as she could, with shoes in her left hand as she finally made her orbit completely out of breath. Quickly she sat down on one of the vacant places to finally park her shoes in front of her. "Damn things." she thought and at the same time she had to resist an ironic laugh. If only anyone here knew that she was a trained secret agent and seriously sprained a foot while running in high heels, she would have been the laugh of the day. If she would feel good she would laugh about it, would she know where he was, would she laugh with him and would she know that it was not her fault he was in danger would she be happy. But instead, she sat here in this lane, still no sign of Ethan. She put the headphones in her ears and heard the song she had heard for several weeks, more precisely since his disappearance on repeat.

 

"Mind over matter  
Does it matter to any of us?  
Don't change the subject  
I'm heavy on your love"

 

Ethan Hunt was missing since the last mission they accomplished. Well more or less accomplished. The person they should catch was catched ,but unfortunately killed at the try to take a hold on him. Ethan was still captured and he the only person who knows where he was. The worst of that is that she isn't even sure about finding him alive anymore. The team doesn't know in which environment he was and how many water and food was left for him. If there indeed was something. Was he injured? If yes how bad? But the question she cares most about was if he was still angry with her and if he even want her to find him after everything that happened. She absolutely would understand if he wouldn't want to see her again. She isn't even able watching herself in the mirror.

 

"I missed that train, New York city - it rains!  
Fly to east L.A. in big jet planes  
You know you're on my mind."

 

Looking outside the window she recognised how perfect the song fits her situation. Again. It was a typical rainy day in London. Rainy as if the clouds would cry with her heart in one rhythm. "You know you are on my mind Ethan. And I'm going to find you, not matter what." She kept telling herself ,hoping the best for him. And for them.

 

•

 

Day 22. Another line on the wall. He feels like a prisoner from one of the clichéd full movies where they find a piece of chalk and draw a line for every day they were imprisoned. But he kind of was a prisoner and this was actually a good trick to keeping himself aware. Or telling himself he was still aware. He sat down on the gray floor and took his water bottle. He was just about to drink something, when he noticed that the bottle was already half empty. He took a sip ,feeling the cold water going down his throat. Whilest swallowing he rethought his words. Half empty. That was what Ilsa would have said. She was the perfect pessimist ,but he would rather describe the bottle as half full. "Why are you always so pesimistic?" Ethan would have asked her often even though he already knows her answer. "Iam not pessimistic. I'm a realist. That's it." She always said that with a calm determination and he just letted her be, eventually smiling at her though he finds it cute how stubborn she was. He missed her and if he wouldn't be in that bad situation, without food since at least three days and his last half bottle of water plus without her he would keep optimistic as always. However, what drew most to him was the fact that they parted in dispute. He could die. Just now. Maybe he will too. Without seeing her at least once and never really telling her how much he loved her. Is she even looking for him? She made a mistake, very clearly. But he would never give her up and she would never give it up. He knew that. She loved him and so he loved her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter out of Ilsa's view. I would be very happy for a feedback on things I can do better and things you maybe liked in the comments :) Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Btw I don't know how to turn off the notification below, so if someone can teach me that, THANK YOU HAHAHA.

As she walked out of the train she felt the fresh air brushing on her face. It was bloody freezing those last days and her black dress and high heels didn't made anything better.

She just came back from another mission where she had to seduce one of the persons she knocked out right after leaving the party with him. She hates to try to be as beautiful for them as she could. In general she hates dresses and high heels. They are just not practical. The only thing that was funny with those missions are Ethan's jealous faces when she whispers something in another man's ear or the fact that he would never stay in the van like the rest of the team because he wants to be sure that she's alright.

"I can keep an eye onto myself." She would discuss with him, maybe a bit harsher as she sometimes want but in general she was glad he always was nearby and she just felt so much more comfortable and warm when his eyes meet her's for a little while. Sometimes even longer than they should. She often was scared that the man she actually was there for recognised something about their intimate connection but they in fact never did because, of course, they were looking at other parts of her body ,like she would be a piece of flesh they just waited to set upon with their hands. 

Ilsa always saw that in men.  
Just like a lion hunting his food. But she in case was not the food to hunt. She was a woman. She always wonders why those men are so disrespectful. Are they as well with their mother, who actually raised them and, well, where they actually come from. 

Right in those moments when she feels the men's eyes looking at her like that she looked at him. He would either give the man infront of her a look like "I will actually kill you soon." or just a loving and warming look straight into her eyes, because he wants to really make her feel comfortable.

As she walked through the streets thinking of him she recognised the next parts of the still , through headphones playing, song.

 

"Mind over matter,  
I'm in tatters thinkin' about her"

 

She loves him and he loves her. And they actually already said it to each other, they also kissed more than one time since New Zealand, but the funny thing is that she actually has no clue about their relationship status. Are they together? Are they just friends with benefits? She doesn't know. And when she thinks about it she has to say that she doesn't want to know. 

She would be way to afraid of the answer or even how they would end up. She thought about the night she didn't left a party alone. She left it with a man. And this man wasn't Ethan. She don't know what happened to her in this moment, but she didn't felt justifying for anything. I mean she bloody hell was single.

Ethan of course somehow found out about it. He wasn't equally as calm as she was about this thing and since then they kind of had a tense relationship and now she doesn't even know where he is. 

Maybe they will not see each other again. 22 days without hearing anything from him, without hearing from him. They had such situation often but not for that long. It was usually three or four days max.

 

"Taste my disaster  
It's heavy on my tongue"

 

She wanted to look for him ,but Secretary Hunley forbid it. Everyone in the team knows and obviously also sees that there is more between them than just a friendship Hunley said she would let herself be carried away by her feelings. 

She could not contradict him in this regard. Of course she would, but that's why she would work harder than ever. She would search every little hint, every nook and at some point, she was sure, she would find him. Dead or alive. One day she just would.

Distracted by her thoughts she almost fails to walk in the right street up to a small apartment which she unlocked and finally entered.

She threw her high heels into a corner, took her sleeping clothes out of the closet and turned up the music, walking to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower.

 

"All the lights aglow  
Tokyo - snows"

 

Entering the bathroom she looked into the mirror, shocked by herself. Blue circles under her eyes, smeared make-up, not to start what's going on with her hair. She really needed that shower and probably twelve hours of sleep minimum.

She couldn't really sleep since days, nightmares of Ethan's scream hunting her, or just her thought by herself. At the moment she just felt like a machine, which always had the same algorithm. 

Waking up, get ready for the day, going to work, come home, shower, bed.  
In which 'get ready for the day' and 'bed' are not the case of a normal 'I will freshly start now' and 'I will give myself some me time now' ,but more like a 'I do not see any sense of all this'. 

She feels like she isn't really living at the moment. She more feels like not being really awake ,but also not being able to sleep and give yourself and your body the rest they just need. She washed off all the make up of the day and ruffled one time through her curly hair which is already hurting through the stiff hairspray and curling grips. If she wouldn't know it better she would say she is basically a Zombie.

She made her way into the shower, letting the hot water run over her tired body and allowed herself just for some minutes to be free of her thoughts and worries.

 

"Go to watch the show  
Curtain's closed!  
I'm watching you this time"

**Author's Note:**

> that's a short first chapter since I just wanted to give it a try! I hope you like it and please give me a feedback!  
> Love <3


End file.
